Under My Own Gaze

by Sona Koloyan

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about

With support from Arts Council England and Help Musicians UK, Sona Koloyan's newest track, "Under My Own Gaze" is a sonic confession of what it means to let oneself feel truly vulnerable in their own presence.

Originally written for her university degree show in 2018, the song was an exploration into body image and "anti-love" or a rejection of love as an idea that reigns over self- or platonic love; ruminations of a diasporan who had moved to a large city, where she missed the quiet yet unconditional support of her community. Since then, the song was reworked to better reflect her 25-year old self - after lengthy periods of ill health in her early twenties, Sona felt readier to explore the relationship between her body in all its capabilities (and incapabilities) and her own vulnerability, incorporating these themes in the existing "anti-love" framework.

lyrics

Under my own gaze
Slowly I began to unravel
And thought to myself
"Mountains were never meant to be swept off"

Don't look at me
With pitiful eyes

Bet you didn't think I could go on my own
She warms her bed alone
No disturbing my heart
The body is the gate before the door guarding the final form

Don't look at me
Don't look at me at all
I'm covered in thorns
Set to calcify

Changed the way
I breathed
Sat and stood
But this is the last time I'll bend my back

I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine
I'm fine

credits

released May 11, 2023
Drums: Heledd Owen
Cello: Mat Roberts
Violin: Anne Han
Guitars, bass, piano, vocals: Sona Koloyan
String arrangement by Mat Roberts

Recorded and produced by Harri Chambers at Zig Zag Recording
Assistant engineering by Callum Haynes
Mastering by Jon Astley

Artwork by Sona Koloyan

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about

Sona Koloyan London, UK

Armenian. Based in London/sometimes other places

"Speaking Stones", my new EP, out now

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